#5. From the Plains to Perez
Why do we imitate, idolize, and gossip about the rich and famous? Why do we devour every bit of news about our favorite (or least favorite) celebrities? We don't even know them! What's with this? The answer can be found in something called SCIENCE! Everybody gasp!
So put on your anthropology hat. Well, first go find an anthropology hat. Or, maybe just make an anthropology hat (use those iron on letters from the craft store) and join us on an adventure you'll hopefully remember.
First stop: (We're pretending to be on a tour bus. Don't judge.) — the plains of Africa 3.4 billion years ago. (ooh! ahh!)
#4 Foxes Mate for Life
Obsession. Infatuation. Keeping a magazine cut out of Natalie Portman in a frame in your room like you were the first one to think that was funny. These are the telltale signs of our love of celebrities. Did you think they were making Teen Bop magazine (with the fold out posters that need like a thousand thumb tacks to lay flat) for the music? No way! Those magazines, blogs, TMZ reruns are an innocent way to obsess about those oh so desirable celebrities and their oh so desirable dates.
They are oh so desirable, and fabulous, and fascinating because:
1) they're good looking and talented just like those that kept us safe long ago.
2) Biology makes us feel infatuated with people that would make great baby daddies. When we're infatuated with someone, we're completely obsessed with what they're doing.
#3. The Pretty Sister
Another reason why we're so into celebs is that they're just like us, only better. Did Kim Kardashian just flash before your eyes again? Yeah, us too. There is no way she's better than us. She doesn't even do anything. Choosing fabric for a designer to use is not a job This is the last type of celebrity, and this is why we care:
Yeah, we don't know how to sing or do gymnastics but look at that guy. He's an idiot! He's all guarding the tribe like he's the only guy that's ever guarded a tribe—we could probably guard the tribe way better than him! One time we saw him at the river drinking the same water he had just peed in. And his hair looked like crap! He's no better than us! Why does he deserve all of the attention? Silly, they don't deserve it. They just get it. Because we're all bored and we're all jerks.
#2. Boredom is Such Sweet Sorrow
It used to be fun to copy their style via Old Navy and H&M rip offs. But now we're sick of them being all perfect and it's time. to. take. them. down.
Hey, remember when they did that really stupid thing? Well, we got a picture of it and now we're telling everybody! So the smack down begins. But sometimes that gets old. And there's always those people on TV that try to make us feel bad for making fun of how fat Jessica Simpson got when she was pregnant. Oh, the fatties. They gain weight. They lose weight. We have to talk trash about someone though. It may as well be that fat guy who thinks he knows how to guard against lions better than we do. Idiot.
#1. The Stars That Never Were
The last category of famous people are those we make famous for no reason other than to be human piñatas. Instead of candy, juicy and humiliating stories burst out of them if we hit them hard enough. You have to hit really hard. No peeking!
Eventually, we got tired of drooling over the old candy from the piñata and our favorite celebrity. We got tired of cyber stalking their bf/gf. We got tired of their perfect bodies/lives/dramatic acting. We got tired of watching photographers harass them when they didn't deserve it. We got tired of having no one to make fun that did deserve it. We got tired of everyone talking about them constantly. Then we got tired of doing our work and wanted to see what those beautiful bastards were up to.
And we couldn't get enough.
The end.
Source: Likes
Why do we imitate, idolize, and gossip about the rich and famous? Why do we devour every bit of news about our favorite (or least favorite) celebrities? We don't even know them! What's with this? The answer can be found in something called SCIENCE! Everybody gasp!
So put on your anthropology hat. Well, first go find an anthropology hat. Or, maybe just make an anthropology hat (use those iron on letters from the craft store) and join us on an adventure you'll hopefully remember.
First stop: (We're pretending to be on a tour bus. Don't judge.) — the plains of Africa 3.4 billion years ago. (ooh! ahh!)
#4 Foxes Mate for Life
Obsession. Infatuation. Keeping a magazine cut out of Natalie Portman in a frame in your room like you were the first one to think that was funny. These are the telltale signs of our love of celebrities. Did you think they were making Teen Bop magazine (with the fold out posters that need like a thousand thumb tacks to lay flat) for the music? No way! Those magazines, blogs, TMZ reruns are an innocent way to obsess about those oh so desirable celebrities and their oh so desirable dates.
They are oh so desirable, and fabulous, and fascinating because:
1) they're good looking and talented just like those that kept us safe long ago.
2) Biology makes us feel infatuated with people that would make great baby daddies. When we're infatuated with someone, we're completely obsessed with what they're doing.
#3. The Pretty Sister
Another reason why we're so into celebs is that they're just like us, only better. Did Kim Kardashian just flash before your eyes again? Yeah, us too. There is no way she's better than us. She doesn't even do anything. Choosing fabric for a designer to use is not a job This is the last type of celebrity, and this is why we care:
Yeah, we don't know how to sing or do gymnastics but look at that guy. He's an idiot! He's all guarding the tribe like he's the only guy that's ever guarded a tribe—we could probably guard the tribe way better than him! One time we saw him at the river drinking the same water he had just peed in. And his hair looked like crap! He's no better than us! Why does he deserve all of the attention? Silly, they don't deserve it. They just get it. Because we're all bored and we're all jerks.
#2. Boredom is Such Sweet Sorrow
It used to be fun to copy their style via Old Navy and H&M rip offs. But now we're sick of them being all perfect and it's time. to. take. them. down.
Hey, remember when they did that really stupid thing? Well, we got a picture of it and now we're telling everybody! So the smack down begins. But sometimes that gets old. And there's always those people on TV that try to make us feel bad for making fun of how fat Jessica Simpson got when she was pregnant. Oh, the fatties. They gain weight. They lose weight. We have to talk trash about someone though. It may as well be that fat guy who thinks he knows how to guard against lions better than we do. Idiot.
#1. The Stars That Never Were
The last category of famous people are those we make famous for no reason other than to be human piñatas. Instead of candy, juicy and humiliating stories burst out of them if we hit them hard enough. You have to hit really hard. No peeking!
Eventually, we got tired of drooling over the old candy from the piñata and our favorite celebrity. We got tired of cyber stalking their bf/gf. We got tired of their perfect bodies/lives/dramatic acting. We got tired of watching photographers harass them when they didn't deserve it. We got tired of having no one to make fun that did deserve it. We got tired of everyone talking about them constantly. Then we got tired of doing our work and wanted to see what those beautiful bastards were up to.
And we couldn't get enough.
The end.
Source: Likes
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